


this dream of going upstream

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, folks this is a You've Got Mail situation, the classic enemies-and-also-friends-to-lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22567063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ben had vowed to himself that he would not return to that street for fear of running into her again. She was by far the prettiest girl he had ever laid eyes on yet he knew he was about to ruin her life, and it would not be fair to either of them for Ben to return.--in which Rey owns a children's bookstore and Ben is opening a conglomerate owned First Order Books mere blocks away. Unbeknownst to them, both have been conversing with each other as Kira and Kylo Ren for some time. As expected, (soft hearted) chaos ensues.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to yet another You've Got Mail AU! this movie brings so much joy and comfort to my heart and lately I have found myself in a writing mood so here we are. blessings to the late and great Nora Ephron who adapted this wonderful story.
> 
> title is from The Limit to Your Love by Feist.

It was a lovely autumn morning, and Rey had not been able to stop herself from humming as she hung posters up for the latest reading event. The sun high in the sky, peeking through the morning clouds, the quiet hum of the cars driving in the back, the occasional birds chirping from above. These were some of the reasons she loved living in a city; they were constant reminders that she was never alone. 

Growing up alone had been a less than thrilling experience, bordering on dismal but Rey had made the best of it (at least tried to with what she was given). She remembered the orphanage, but not how she ended up there. Many nights, she closed her eyes and wished that someone would return to her, exclaiming that it had been all a big mistake, maybe they took some other girl and didn’t realize until they were home. She was around five when she had that thought, and then merely two days later, she realized that she had been abandoned.

Running a hand over the poster, she smiled as she heard a dog barking down the street. It was a small brown dog, pocket sized hurdling towards her yanking its owner behind it. She crouched down and welcomed the dog.

“Hi! You’re a small pup, aren’t you?” she cooed as she held out her hand so the dog could familiarize itself with her scent. He was precious, brown fur drooping down the side of his face with a red collar on its neck. 

“Sorry, he’s usually much more well behaved,” the owner apologized and that’s when Rey looked at him. She had to crane her neck to get a good look at his face, adorned with black hair hanging down the sides. He was a very tall man, and it seemed a little silly that he would have such a small pup. She stood back up and smiled.

“That’s alright. What’s his name?” she asked. His head turned to the dog and he cocked his head silently. The dog remained panting and sniffed Rey’s shoes.

“Chewie. He’s my father’s dog but I’m dog sitting for him,” he volunteered. Chewie had taken a liking to Rey and was circling her, which in turn ended up wrapping her with his leash. She laughed as he came to a stop due to lack of leash. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” he stuttered and ran after the dog in an attempt to unwrap her legs. 

“It’s absolutely fine, just relax. He’s probably taking advantage of having someone new. He’s not used to taking orders from you so he’s testing just how much he can get away with,” she explained. After untangling the leash from her body, he scooped the dog in his arms — this is when the magnitude of his body really dawned on Rey, the dog looked like a doll in his arms not even the length of his forearm. He was much taller than Rey (she prided herself on being taller than average) and he had a massive frame, probably due to his broad shoulders. Chewie was tucked between his arm and body so that only his head was peeking out. 

“Now you stay still,” he used a stern voice to command the dog. Like that was going to work, thought Rey. 

“You seem to know a lot about dogs,” he turned to face her. 

“We have special readings for kids and dogs, so I’m used to being surrounded by them,” she pointed towards her book store. 

He looked at the window display, and his face froze as if he were caught red handed. His eyes shifted with a realization that was unclear to Rey and he straightened his shoulders, standing upright. 

“The Shop Around the Corner?” he read the awning over her door. 

“Yeah, just a small little children’s bookstore. Would you like to come in? I’m just opening up,” she asked with a smile. 

“Oh no, I - uh, I can’t, not right now,” he stumbled for words, eyes shifting to glance at everything but her face. He exhaled and his lips — his very pink, rosy, plump lips — shifted downwards, resembling a frown. 

“I’ve got to go,” he stated, abruptly turned around and walked away, placing an extreme amount of emphasis on each foot almost as if he were stomping. 

_What a weird fellow_ , Rey thought, _he left without so much as a goodbye_. 

…

The bell above the door chimed as Finn entered with two coffees. He came back around the counter where Rey was entering prices in the inventory system. She had a pile of growing books next to the computer, at least 10 books tall. He placed the coffees on the opposite end and walked behind her to empty the growing tower before it toppled over. 

She thanked him before walking over to pick up her latte. It was barely ten in the morning but she had been up for at least four hours already. Her day usually began in the following manner: she would wake up, eyes at half mast as she brewed her first pot of coffee. Then she would read the paper as she consumed her morning caffeine. After that, it was time for her run around her block that took her to the park two miles away. There, she would sit on the benches as she enjoyed the morning air and watched half awake owners walk their dogs (that sometimes chased squirrels). Finally, after showering she would turn on her rust bucket of desktop and check her emails. 

This was usually the highlight of her morning. After clearing the promotional junk emails and newsletters, she would find Kylo’s emails waiting in her inbox. They were always well detailed, mapped constellations of his thoughts that he had in the wee hours of the night-turning-morning. 

The latest one was no exception with a time stamp of 2:14 AM:

> [https://theoutline.com/post/8384/sweden-milk-war-oatly?zd=1&zi=wbv3si2n](https://theoutline.com/post/8384/sweden-milk-war-oatly?zd=1&zi=wbv3si2n)
> 
> _I think you would find this piece entertaining._
> 
> _I had no idea that a milk war is tearing Sweden apart. It highlights some commercials employed by both milk factions — cow and oat alike and they are quite exaggerated. I suppose this is marketing at its finest. And now they are using sustainability as a key achievement for both sides - as if the mass market capitalism both companies are exercising have no impact on their carbon footprint._
> 
> _It’s all ridiculous, I think you would enjoy it._
> 
> _Also - re: your question, I can’t remember the last tv show I watched. I don’t even have cable any more. Maybe Halycon River Diaries (I don’t think it counts as a show, more a documentary). It features a family and them encountering the life surrounding the river near their house. It’s surprisingly entertaining — they’re simply having fun just being with each other and looking at animals._
> 
> _Kylo_

Rey read the article he linked to and enjoyed learning about the alleged milk war. Sometimes, he found the most inane pieces and she was left in awe at the digging he must have done to come across them. 

Reading the last paragraph left her feeling unsettled. Of course, she wasn’t surprised by the little time he spent on personal enjoyment. Ever since she had known him, their correspondence consisted of sharing knowledge. Maybe that was due to the nature of their first meeting, a seemingly innocuous exchange on Twitter in the reply section of a New York Review of Books tweet. They had contrary opinions of the book review and that led them messaging each other once their comment thread reached above a certain number of posts. 

Rey replied with her feedback:

> _Kylo,_
> 
> _Consider me enlightened. I would have never known about the milk vs oat beverage crisis in Sweden had it not been for you. That fulfills my daily quota of culture._
> 
> _Speaking of Sweden, please watch this video featuring my favorite Swede:_[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAItaBPQHAs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAItaBPQHAs)
> 
> _Hopefully that will encourage you to watch something other than BBC documentaries about nature (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but people you know? people are good and funny. it’s good to laugh)_
> 
> _I just finished my book - do you have any suggestions for what should be next?_
> 
> _PS - nothing nonfiction._
> 
> _Kira_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sat in his office as he faced the glass walls behind his desk. First Order Books was located on some absurdly high floor of a skyscraper and overlooked the east village from his corner. He wondered what she was doing right now. Was she aware of the new corporate bookstore that was about to wreak havoc on her life in mere weeks? Did she think about him, even in passing, since their brief encounter weeks ago? Did she simply forget he existed? Maybe he meant nothing to her, was he just a potential customer?

Ben had vowed to himself that he would not return to that street for fear of running into her again. She was a sweet girl and yet knowing he was about to ruin her life, it would not be fair to either of them for Ben to pursue anything. 

Her smile was one of the loveliest things he had the pleasure of seeing with his own two eyes, quite possibly an act of divine grace. And he had just stormed off because he could not be held responsible for any further actions in case they were not permissible. 

He sat in his office as he faced the glass walls behind his desk. First Order Books was located on some absurdly high floor of a skyscraper and overlooked the east village from his corner. He wondered what she was doing right now. Was she aware of the new corporate bookstore that was about to wreak havoc on her life in mere weeks? Did she think about him, even in passing, since their brief encounter weeks ago? Did she simply forget he existed? Maybe he meant nothing to her, was he just a potential customer?

He hoped to whatever higher power that it was not true.

The sun slided down behind the skyline of upright buildings, blended into the sky and slowly the sky was left bleeding pink and soft purples on the clouds. It was beautiful and absolutely majestic. If only he had someone to share it with. 

He took out his phone and snapped a picture of the sky. Kira would enjoy it. 

Kira. A pang of guilt emanated from his heart at the thought of Kira. She had been a constant in his life ever since their first online encounter. Her messages always brightened his day and knowing her reminded Ben that not everyone was selfish and motivated by their own personal agenda. He had spilled so much of his heart and his thoughts to her across various messages, and he had not once wondered what she looked like. He knew too many people who would be considered objectively beautiful yet had coal instead of a heart. Slowly if this line of work continued, Ben would find himself an unwelcome addition to that list. 

A knock on his door reminded him that he was still at work, and there was much to be done before the end of his day. His assistant opened the door and let his clientele inside. 

“Ms. Phasma and the store manager from the new store on 67th are here,” Hux said and closed the door behind him as he left. 

“Good evening,” Ben stood him and gestured towards the sofa in front of his desk. 

“Just wanted to give an update on the opening. It’s scheduled for June 1st, and we are still on track. The construction is almost done and we’ve received the latest shipments of inventory as well,” Datoo recited his update.

Ben nodded and was mildly disappointed that it was going to happen on schedule.

“In terms of marketing the opening, we’re going to host a press conference two weeks prior to the opening. It would be beneficial if you could attend, Mr. Solo, say a few words,” Phasma suggested. 

“Have Hux check my calendar and if I’m free, he can make the proper arrangements.” 

Phasma gave a sharp nod, imperceptible to anyone who didn’t know her. She was one of the executives who he could rely on, she was bright and frankly, had too much work ethic. She was in the office before he came in, and it was a rare occasion when she declined one of his meetings. 

“There is just the small problem of the children’s bookshop that’s in the neighborhood,” Phasma reminded him. As if Ben could forget. 

“It’s such a niche store. I doubt it would hurt our profit margin,” Ben tried to alleviate any of her concerns, but knowing Phasma, they were rooted in solid statistics and projections she had probably shared with him weeks ago. 

“Solo, need I remind you of the memo I sent last week about the projections of the market share with and without any competition, regardless of how niche their offerings are? Currently we stand at 46% and without the children’s bookstore and the one used bookstore, we would have 58%,” Phasma interjected as she scrolled through her tablet, no doubt to pull up the figures in support of her argument. 

“Gwen, make no mistake, my intention was not to doubt you,” Ben sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew the publicity surrounding the new opening was already bordering on contentious; people were dismissing it as the latest example of gentrification due to it being developed over a few townhouses that had foreclosed. Phasma had disregarded it as a liberal resurgence that would die down once the store was built and of value to the community, but it needed a community to belong to in the first place. 

“I just don’t think it’s a good public look for us to actively drive a children’s bookstore out of business. I don’t see us closing or falling under with a 46% share. They can’t afford any competition based on our previous conversations. Is that still true?” he asked. 

She nodded and Datoo paled at this conversation. It was evident that he was out of his league here, he simply stared out behind Ben. 

“So it’s not a critical risk that we need to mitigate immediately?” he gave her a pointed look. 

“So you say,” she rose and that signalled the end of that conversation. 

“That’s all. Datoo and I will leave now,” Datoo followed suit, and stood up. 

“Good night,” he gave a meek goodbye. 

Ben was alone again. 

He picked up his phone and dialed for Hux.

“Armie, cancel my 6:30 dinner. I’m heading to the gym,” he spoke and hung up before Hux could respond. 

At the gym, he put on the video Kira had sent him and he found himself laughing as he ran on the treadmill. He started the show and finished four episodes before switching to his reps. 

…

When he returned to his apartment, it was half past nine. He was thankful for the summer days; it was not pitch black outside and the blue in the sky almost deluded him into thinking that he was just coming home to work at a normal time. Ben adhered to a fairly strict nightly routine where he would cook dinner and read the paper as he ate. Tonight, however, would be different. First and foremost, he had to feed the dog that was hounding his leg for attention. Ben poured his kibble into his bowl and set to work at making dinner for himself. 

Ben put the chicken that was marinating in the stove along with the cut veggies and turned on his laptop. He rarely went on it until he was in bed, but he had to respond to Kira. 

> Kira,
> 
> I must thank you for introducing me to this show. It’s very amusing and it’s gotten a few actual laughs from me (which I am reluctant to admit is rare). 
> 
> Attached is a picture of the sunset from my office. I’m afraid it’s a simple photograph and that it will not do the scene justice. But I’ll let you be the judge of that. It was breathtaking to witness and yet I only had one thought in my mind. 
> 
> I wished I had someone to share it with. 
> 
> PS I would recommend ‘The Double’ by José Saramago. I couldn’t put the book when I started it and by the end, I was left in a state of mental disarray that I had to take a long walk in the park to ground myself. 
> 
> Kylo. 

Each morning, Ben woke before dusk and saw the sunrise either from his apartment or on a run. 

With Chewie at this apartment, Ben unfortunately woke up multiple times in the night as Chewie struggled to find his resting spot on Ben’s bed. Nevermind he had his own doggy bed in Ben’s room, but he feared his father had spoiled the dog rotten and Chewie was unable to sleep unless he had the warmth of a human heating him up. 

This is why Ben woke up way past his normal schedule to Chewie licking his face with the sun shining brightly in his room. In another world, Ben would enjoy this ease and consider it a lazy morning in, but alas, it was only Thursday and he was needed the office. When was he ever not, he thought to himself. 

He groaned as he covered his eyes with his hands, wanting to wish away all the power struggles and office dynamics if only for a moment. Briefly considering calling in sick, he phoned Hux as he told him he was going to come in later and asking him to reschedule his morning meetings, knowing they were only status updates on other projects. 

“Do you need to go outside?” he asked the dog, half expecting Chewie to respond with an emphatic yes. Chewie wagged his tail and started jumping over Ben’s body to reach his face. 

“Okay okay okay, that sounds like a yes,” he spoke and realized he had fully conversed with a dog. 

He made a note to ask Han how much longer he had to watch the dog. 

Seeing as they had more time than usual this morning, Ben decided to treat Chewie to a longer stroll. They walked alongside the river until they reached a park where children were playing. Chewie stopped and stared at the kids, and Ben didn’t realize Chewie wanted to go up to them until he saw Chewie’s tail wagging. 

He tried to tug him along the path, but Chewie would not budge and he seated himself in an act of rebellion. When he saw Ben walk towards the park, he ran past him with Ben barely holding on. Chewie circled the park (which wasn’t very hard since it was quite a small area fenced in), and Ben decided dogs were probably not allowed inside, so he took them to a bench overlooking the park and sat down. As he sat, Chewie laid down and started panting. 

“You just relax now. I don’t understand how you have so much energy,” he muttered under his breath. It was full for a weekday morning. There were several children playing inside and he noticed a group of women who sat at a picnic table with strollers to the side. Along the sides were benches, much like the one he was seated at, however most of them were unoccupied. There were only one or two people, and -- 

Oh no.

Why was _she_ here?

It was her, the girl from the bookstore. 

She was sitting on a bench hunched over her phone, but he recognized her. 

How could he not when he hadn’t been able to get her off his mind?

She tucked her phone in the side of her legging and looked up and immediately caught his gaze. He saw her demeanor change, the pleasant and easy smile on her face turning into shock, confusion and then recognition. Her body tensed up as she sat upright and stood up. 

Oh no.

She was walking over to Ben. 

“Hi!” she waved. Chewie must have recognized her as instinctively as Ben had, because he was up, jumping on his front legs towards her. 

“Remember me? From the bookstore?” she asked as she crouched down in front of Chewie.

“Hi buddy! Oh, you remember me. Yes you do,” she purred as she stroked the top of his head. 

“Yes, of course.” 

“You never came back,” she said with her head cocked to the side. 

“I don’t have any children and seeing how it was a children’s bookstore…” he trailed off with a shrug. 

“That’s a fair point,” she laughed, “I’m Rey.” She offered her hand out. 

“Ben,” he replied and shook her hand. She had a very firm handshake, one two and done. 

“Nice to meet you Ben,” she smiled warmly. 

“It’s very nice to meet you too Rey,” her name rolled off his tongue easily. 

“I hope he isn’t giving you any more trouble,” she lifted Chewie in her lap as she sat next to Ben on the bench. 

“I think he’s a very spoiled dog,” Ben laughed and took in the sight of Chewie in the middle of them. It could be so nice, for a moment Ben allowed himself to believe that he was not likely going to put her out of business in the upcoming months. 

Her phone buzzed and just like that, the moment was over. She slid it out of her pocket and tapped on it.

“Duty calls. See you around!” she stood up and walked away, leaving Ben to sit on the bench as Chewie tried to follow her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are under no obligation to answer any of this rambling. Sometimes I feel silly when I write these emails -- like they belong in a private diary meant only for me and yet here I am, sending them off into the deep ether of the Internet where they find their way to you."

Rey first started working at the Shop Around the Corner when she was taking classes towards her Associate’s degree and she needed a part time job to help save money for school. Her plan was to get her Associate’s first and then transfer to a larger college when she had enough money and at least a general idea of what she wanted to do with her life.

Thinking about the future was a luxury in that it required Rey’s time. There was always something to do, whether it was working at the bookstore and completing her coursework or going back to Plutt’s garage where she worked at night for a few bucks under the table to supplement her little income. When Rey started working at the Shop Around the Corner, it was owned by Ben Kenobi, the man who hired Rey. One of her professors knew Ben personally and had recommended her to meet with him and see if there was any help she could offer. 

It started as just helping him gather stock, updating the shelves with the latest releases, and entering the inventory on the one working computer only a few hours a week. When Rey realized she could do her homework while working without disruption, she asked to work longer shifts in a selfish effort. Ben didn’t seem to mind; he seemed thankful for the company. He had no family and very few friends. The only other person who worked at the store was Maz Kanata, a spry older woman who wore several rings on both hands and tortoise circular glasses that covered nearly half her face. She was never short on stories about her travels abroad, certain times when she fell in and out of love on a whim or how she barely escaped from questionable circumstances. 

With Ben and Maz, Rey felt a peace akin to a home at the store, something she had been looking for all her life. After closing the store, they would walk to the deli two blocks away and have club sandwiches with soda cans and this was the closest thing to a family dinner she had ever experienced. At her graduation ceremony, Ben and Maz both came and brought her favorite flowers, a bouquet of white hydrangeas sprinkled with myrtles and treated Rey to a fancy dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant. 

That night, after dinner Rey decided that she could stay with Ben at the store and enjoy the life she had always longed for as a child, instead of wanting more and leaving for a dream.

Of course, when she told Ben that, he was not very happy and adamantly insisted that if Rey did not leave for college, she would at least continue her education so Ben gave her a raise. She took some part time classes in accounting to supplement her role and called it a day when she received her certification. 

And then one eventful morning, Ben did not come in to work. 

She phoned him several times and when he did not answer, she feared the worst and went with Maz to Ben’s house. They found him still asleep in bed, his skin ice cold and a soft smile on his face as if he had planned his departure. Tears streaming down her face and sobbing, Rey held on to Maz while the paramedics came and removed his body. 

The following days flew by in a messy blur, even now Rey could not recollect the difference between the mornings and nights. His lawyers called Rey and asked her to come to the estate hearing where she discovered that Ben left her his apartment and the store. In a state of shock, she walked to Central Park where her feet took her to her favorite spot, a bench in front of the duck pond, underneath a large oak tree. 

She sat there for what seemed like minutes, hours, days. Her little family that she had created was falling apart and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her heart closed in on itself as she remembered the nights she spent with Ben. Him making tea for her and remembering exactly how she liked it (dash of milk and two sugars). Him recommending her a book he had just finished. Them going to the farmer’s market Saturday morning and picking up flowers for the store. Him telling Rey he was absolutely proud of her and her heart swelling with joy and a love for a father she had found. 

It had been years since Maz left the bookstore, but somehow she still managed to help Rey with the bookkeeping every quarter. It seemed like a good excuse for Maz to invite Rey over so they could catch up, Rey thought. 

Finn, Rey and Maz were seated at Maz’s dining table for dinner. She had prepared lasagna, a simple salad, and steamed green beans. There were three plates displayed on three settings, all mismatched. Maz housed an eclectic collection of things from all over, and her china cabinet was no exception. Several plates of various sizes hung from her walls, each with a simple design in the middle. Along with the plates, Maz had potted plants hanging down in the corner where the sun shone the brightest during the day. 

Rey’s plate was full with lasagna and the green beans after she had devoured her salad. 

“Did you hear First Order Books is opening a new location on 67th and Amsterdam?” Finn asked as his eyes shifted to Rey. 

Rey had heard rumors about it, but it was not enough to warrant concern. It wasn’t surprising, with all the boutique stores in the neighborhood going under recently. Every block housed some Starbucks and a Duane Reed in the place of what used to be a family owned deli or an apothecary. 

“That’s great for them,” she rolled her eyes and stuffed a bite of lasagna in her mouth. 

“That’s trouble calling for sure,” Maz tsk’ed. 

“We don’t know that,” Rey said and looked down at her plate. Maz dropped her hand over Rey’s and patted her hand as she offered a small smile, one that was meant to be understanding and not reassuring. 

“We’ll see how things pan out,” Rey placed her other hand over Maz’s and pursed her lips together. 

…

> Do you ever feel like you’re meant for more? I don’t mean that in the egotistical sense, but maybe in the larger scheme of things, is what I’m doing enough? What does this all amount to?
> 
> There is a complacency within me and in my life. While it may sound like I’m complaining about it, I cherish it because it means there is stability within the complacency. Knowing that each day will be the same as the one before makes me feel safe. 
> 
> You are under no obligation to answer any of this rambling. Sometimes I feel silly when I write these emails -- like they belong in a private diary meant only for me and yet here I am, sending them off into the deep ether of the Internet where they find their way to you.
> 
> Kira

…

If there was ever a day made specifically for rest, it was Sunday. It signalled the end of a week, and a new beginning all in one. The last Sunday of every month was something else entirely -- the store flourished under the public’s optimism for the upcoming month as they bought their children a new book. It didn’t help that Rey hosted a ‘Read and Pet’ event featuring several dogs from a nearby shelter.

Picking up her copy of Goodnight Moon from her tote, Rey walked through the store as she shelved the lost copies along the ground. When she needed comfort, this is where Rey came to. These were her books, they were the ones who comforted her when she longed for a family. They offered her solace and a brief respite from the loneliness of her childhood. She spent countless hours imagining she attended school with Madeline, her afternoons with a frog and a toad, and pretending she was the fifth Berenstain Bear. Knowing she helped provide other children with a similar experience allowed her to indulge in a brief yet immense satisfaction that _yes, you have a beautiful life helping others_ . It usually followed with _why on earth do you want to risk that for something else?_

The bell on the door jingled and alerted her to the visitors.

“Rey, it’s Poe!” he yelled from the door. She got up from the floor, shook her head as if to exorcise her thoughts, and made her way to him. Poe Dameron was the event coordinator from the adoption agency and he had been the one to reach out to Rey several months ago asking if she was willing to partner on events featuring adoptable pets. He was sweet with a boyish charm to his smile that a certain someone at the store had fallen prey to. 

“Help yourself to some scones! Maz brought them in,” Rey pointed towards the boxes on the counter. He brought two kennels with small cats inside and laid blankets down where he would place the makeshift crate for the dogs. When Rey went outside to help Poe, she was surprised to find Finn helping carry the equipment inside. 

“What are you doing here? You don’t have to come in until later,” Rey winked and spoke in a hushed tone. 

“I thought you and Poe could use some help setting up. Are you telling me you don’t want my help?” Finn glared at her and huffed as he held the door open for her. 

“Continue on,” Rey gave him a knowing smile that bordered a smirk and waved her hand.

…

Her favorite part of reading to kids was enjoying their visceral, audible response. She loved the soft sighs, the small gasps of surprise, the slight burgeoning of their eyes when they took in the picture on the next page. It was easy to lose yourself in their reactions and experience it like it your first time reading the book. Even if it were a book they had read before, their experience of living it in a room filled with others permeated such jubilation through the room, she felt a high from the emotion alone. 

And when they would all inevitably leave, Rey would return to her apartment alone and bask in the aftermath of such a high with a heavy heart. 

…

> Maybe your response is lost in the abyss. I hope not. I’ve gotten used to waking up to your words. 
> 
> Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?
> 
> How much of my life will I spend wondering what if? What if we were to meet?

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, that (middle paragraph of the last email) is directly adopted from the script. Meg Ryan's email finishes with one of the most exquisite lines i have ever read anywhere: goodnight, dear void.


End file.
